Her Dream

 I have to share the good and the bad, otherwise this wouldn't be a truthful blog. 

I am unsure if she is exactly saying it in context, but the first time she said "momma" was yesterday, during a dream. She was startled awake/half asleep and started to fuss. I got her back to sleep but could tell she was definitely dreaming because she was making movements and fussing but still very much asleep. Then she curls her lip, sobs, and says "momma" 3 times. She wakes up and looks to be upset and then when she sees me she smiles and lays her head back down.

Yall. That broke me. I don't even know what to think. She could be remembering or recalling something scary that she has been through (and yes I 100% believe babies can remember and recall), or she is picking up on the word momma by hearing my own kids and was reaching out for comfort during a scary dream. Either way, It brought so many emotions.

Kids and babies repeat everything. And the word mom and momma is probably said a million times a day in my house. She is bound to learn the word if not sooner than later. 

I didn't anticipate this yet nor had a plan on how to go about this. There is always a good chance I will be her forever momma but there is always a good chance I won't. There are no definites. There is always what ifs. Even to the last minute. But she deserves a momma right now and that's exactly what I am and plan to be. She can call me momma for the rest of her life, whatever the circumstances may be. Momma is a comfort word and a feeling for all children, and it's a vital peice in their felt safety. Mommas are special, whether they are biological or not. There are mommas in all of us. Deep down to the roots.

She deserves a momma. I am her momma. For now. Forever. No matter the circumstances. I will be her safe space.